Why X? Part II

To continue on from the previous list, with the disclaimer, once again, that this is merely a parody and not to be taken too seriously:

Why Cornell?

Despite many, many failed attempts, I have finally managed to visit your campus (although I did, unfortunately, miss the tour). And I must say, Cornell must have my favorite campus by far. What is not to love about a campus that looks like it copied from architectural styles from all over the continent and dumped them all into one plot of land? Especially when you have Victorian-Gothic (please spare me the Harry Potter references), Neo-Classical, and sheets-of-glass-glued-together-modern all within walking distance.

But my reason for choosing Cornell rests on one simple fact: when I visited the electrical engineering labs, I saw xkcd on one of the doors. Now I know that xkcd is probably the most over-quoted webcomic for any engineering department, but to actually see it on a door? Wow. (We will ignore the fact that the only other engineering buildings I have seen are Princeton's and Penn's, and I have not entered any of these buildings.)

Why Dartmouth?

I have to say, when I first visited the campus I was instantly drawn in by the Green. Or more like I thought, "This grass is kept in pretty good shape considering it's probably covered under snow for half the year." My lawn, in comparison, looks exactly the same except it receives much less snow (and probably more sunlight). I love grass. Grass is so good for rolling around in and getting bugs in your hair to freak out your mother.

The two-story white library with the teahouse by the side was also nice. I mean, there is only one college library in the entire world that looks like the library in Harry Potter, right? Right? What other school could have possibly come up with such an original idea? Impossible! I also really liked the green armchairs. Except I didn't like their color. Oh, wait, that's one of the official colors of Dartmouth. Never mind, I really liked the green armchairs.

Why Duke?

I love all the brochures Duke sends me, especially those with that one picture of the tower during sunrise or sunset or whatever it is. Since I don't really have any other blown-up pictures of campus I will assume that the rest of the campus is just as magnificent, because Duke doesn't have anything to hide, right? They just thought I would enjoy staring at the tower five or ten times, right?

Aside from that I must regrettably say that I have not been on campus, not even once. And that I know relatively little about Duke. As in, I know it is called Duke, and it has a tower, and it offers limited financial assistance to international students, but that is all. I don't even know how many tulips are on campus, although I should know, because that is the other (non-blown-up) picture of campus I have from the brochures and after staring at that for over five times I should probably just start counting the flowers.

Why Harvard?

I am not applying to Harvard, nor does Harvard require a "Why Harvard?" essay, so this is not necessary. I am putting it in here solely because otherwise I would be jumping directly to M and I felt the gap was too wide.

Why McGill?

I have previously mentioned that there is a cute red-head at McGill who is also extremely nice and helpful, but Yuma might not appreciate that as a reason for why I want to go to McGill. So instead I will talk about the over-ten-stories tall buildings on campus that are not dorms but, well, instructional buildings. Nothing like a skyscraper-like chem building to make me feel like I'm in the city. Especially when four or five firetrucks pull up right underneath it, sirens all blaring.

I also love the sheer size of McGill. With over 25,000 undergrads to make you feel your significance. And 8,000 grads. Although honestly that is nothing compared to University of Toronto, which has over 55,000 undergrads and 13,000 grads. Now that is huge.

Not Now, Professor Snape

Harry, Ron, and Hermione are in a room that looks suspiciously like my living room, except with more red cushions scattered everywhere. They are discussing something, but I (if I even exist, at this point) can’t hear what they are saying. No matter. Snape to the rescue! He barges into the room and asks, “Where is your wand, Potter?”

“Here, Professor,” Harry says, while pulling out something that looks like the end (that you hold) of those wooden things people use with honey. I’m not sure what they are called. Ron and Hermione both pull out these weird wooden rods as well.

“What are these?” Snape asks. I am surprised he has not exploded and docked 100 points each from Gryffindor for their insolence.

“They’re wands, Professor,” Hermione says, as though it were the most obvious thing since the Basilisk killed people. “We bought them. There’s even a review questionnaire we can fill out on how well these wands work.”

“So do they work?”

Hermione used her wand and tapped at the paper. Nothing happened. “Well,” she says, “it sometimes works if you tilt it the right angle. But the makers respect customers’ privacy, so we gave it an F+.”

“It doesn’t work,” Snape says. “I’m giving it an F-. But how will you protect yourselves when the Death Eaters come?”

“Oh, we have a plan.”

And they call out some white-haired girl, and Snape is about to ask, “How is she going to help you?” But the Death Eaters come at this moment, and they shout, “YOU TRAITOR, SNAPE!!!”

Well. I don’t think he’s going to be asking many questions right now.

They run up to punch Snape (uh, what about wands, people?) but the white-haired girl does some really cool magic trick (finally! magic...) and repels the Death Eaters. Snape sighs in relief. And then—

I woke up. Yeah. Not too exciting anymore. I hate it when I wake up right in the middle of some really cool action. But I guess it’s out of my control. REM periods are only so long.

Anyway, I have decided upon a new approach for my Penn essay (this one is actually going well), and while I was doing research, I came across their food vendor’s map. Below, they have notes on where to find different restaurants and such, and I saw:

3. Original Le Anh Chinese Food,

and

5. The Real Le Anh Chinese Food.

Gee. I never knew Le Anh Chinese Food was so popular. Does that mean that #3 is a fake and #5 is a copycat that copied #3? But that would be a paradox, because then #5 wouldn’t be real either, so it’s not “The Real” anymore. And if it’s not “The Real” anymore, then #3 wouldn’t have to be fake, and then #5 wouldn’t have to be fake either, and—

Complicated. I am so glad #3 Fruit Salad and #4 Fruit Salad did not decide to add prefixes as well.