A Land Before Time

First of all, I would like to mention Argon. Did you know that he's going to Spain for a entire month (or was it six weeks?) and will be speaking Spanish for most, if not all, of the time? He will come back perhaps the second Reese, Spanish-wise, and the two of them might carry on Spanish conversations when they see each other and effectively exclude me, because all I know in Spanish are "hola," "muy bien," "buenos dias," "buenas noches," "hasta luego," "hasta mañana" with the fancy ñ that I can never find, and various numbers due to my French background. So I will understand if they greet each other in the most simple way possible, but other than that I will simply prod them to speak English, or, if possible, French.

Those of you who know why I've suddenly decided to talk about Argon when there is not really a story about him will probably know where I am going next.

(Also, I am still two behind, and I need to talk about other people.)

Dino.

I'm trying to figure out what he means to me, right now and in general. I guess I first started wondering this when I heard about him asking Lauretta to prom. Prom is a pretty significant event, and although I knew I wasn't going, I thought I would at least be a little jealous. But I took it just as any other bit of gossip, a little regret that no one really asked me, but other than that I didn't feel much.

Then came his semi-obsession over her, which I thought I'd mind as well, but I didn't.

So I mean, do I really like him? Or was it simply my subconscious nagging me that I really, really want someone to like, for the sake of liking them, and I just happened to choose Dino? I know he's got some redeeming qualities, but he's also got a host of annoying ones that sometimes I wonder if he's worth the trouble. And I've come from a long history of troubled half-relationships, so it's all the more shaky what I really think and what I think that I think.

I don't know if I'm capable of jealousy. I think I am, which is sad, but I'm okay with that. I don't know if I'm capable of being jealous of Lauretta. I can't muster the energy to do so, can't really say that I dislike her because, honestly, I don't. Not in the least bit. I don't know if I'm capable of being jealous because of Dino. I think that, in some aspects, prove that I'm not crazy over him, even if I'm slightly obsessed. I also realized one day that I wouldn't die or do everything in the world for him, which I would almost do for Argon (so I guess I didn't need to mention the whole Spanish thing after all), and I found that a bit unsettling.

I could say he doesn't really mean anything to me, but that would also be a lie. It's a lie I tell myself every time  I watch him walk by in his usual strut, his hands on his backpack straps. It's a lie every time I make up an excuse to talk to him.

My eyes still follow him down the hall, even if I don't talk to him. I don't want to talk to him, and he doesn't want to talk to me, so we've agreed on that at least. I tell myself it's stupid, and it is, but I can't help myself. It's a bit of a dilemma, to say the least, but I've got an entire summer to figure it out.

Other news for other people who deserve tags so as not to linger in the small-font phase:

Julie has already left, and Tea is leaving... tomorrow? I still can't believe so many people are leaving this summer. I don't know how we will cope next year, when we all go off to college, but that is not very, very important right now because of Math Prize! Math competitions make me happy. Well, science competitions too, but there's too little of them that I can participate in.

Gretchen gets mentioned here because we most likely will be getting our permits together, although I don't know how my lack of SSN will work out, so uh, I'm really sorry, but is it possible to extend the day after Monday? I know Tuesday doesn't work, but does any other day?

Avon is also mentioned because she is staying, as is Cammie because she is Cammie, and tomorrow I will have an entire post (hopefully) filled with all the other people who are pitifully puny because I don't nearly talk of them enough.