Confessions, In General

Warning: this may be gossipy in nature, written only because I'll probably never be able to talk about it as freely (or coherently, and remember everything I wanted to include). Read at your own risk.

Autumn is my favorite season, not because of anything it intrinsically is (although the leaves are pretty, and the sky is a perfect shade of far-away). I love autumn above every other season because I hate spring, and autumn is the farthest away from spring. One day I just realized that. Sat up and thought, so this is why. And said a few more philosophical words, perhaps, and left it at that.

At night, I like to imagine things. Really outlandish things. Like getting lost in a jungle and cracking complicated codes (but it’ll probably just be ugly bruteforce) and then swinging swords around to squish evil bunnies. Sometimes there are other people with me. I am not sure what happens to them in the end. By the time my dreams roll around, they are gone, replaced by more people who randomly appear in my dreams. (Last night, I dreamed about being Aaron’s girlfriend while we walked by really small, square-shaped houses. It was weird.)

I love to read comedies, and love to write tragedies. That I may have established prior. I am a huge D. Gray-man fanfiction fan, because they have just the right mix of comedy and tragedy in them with easily manipulated characters that I don’t feel as though I am reading tragedies. Not unless they are labeled as such. But lately I haven’t been reading fictional things (unless you count English assignments). I’ve mostly been reading Liane Bonin’s Project Runway recaps, because I don’t have the time (or the justification, usually) to watch the show. And because it’s fun to read the cynical remarks.

But most importantly, and the reason for all of these confessions: I lied about Bryant.

If I were completely honest, I would say that I didn’t really lie about him, but rather I jumped to conclusions too quickly. There is a part of me that knows there is something there, maybe. But I think it is not entirely, concretely real, and that while I do find his I-can-read-your-mind stares, uh, hypnotic, he is probably (most likely) the rebound guy. I realized it when I found myself stealing glances at Dino during English. Realized that perhaps I had not really gotten over Dino.

It was a bit frustrating, because a part of me was over him (and a part of me never liked him in the first place, but before it was in the minority). I should probably learn from Vincent, though. I mean, he’s found a girlfriend within a week of, well. Okay, not going in-depth with that one.

So I was (and still am) pleasantly surprised that I don’t care (more than normal, that is) about Dino these days. I don’t notice him coming or going anymore (especially not during math team—I only noticed he wasn’t there a couple hours later). He still has wonderful hair, I must admit (perhaps the hairspray killed it, though), but that is all.

And, most wretchedly, someone else is making my heart speed up more than normal (something Bryant hasn’t really done for me, so I guess that’s another sign). I think it’s the hormones or something. Really. At least he’s nicer than Dino (but since we’re comparing to Dino, I’m not sure if that says anything). And he has a really nice smile and a normal laugh (and I think he has nice hair too, although I haven’t tried it yet).

But enough about me. More about the homework I’m supposed to do.