Adieu, Seniors

Yesterday was the official last day for seniors who are going on internships (but there are plenty who are not, including Matt, my crossword puzzle supplier), but I was too distracted to write about yesterday. I will on a later day (including finishing Santiago, continuing on Japan, and finishing TOAST, which I found earlier today). Anyway, I have something else here today.

THE GINNY-BASED FORTUNE CARDS

(DISCLAIMER: Ginny is not responsible for anything that happens as a result of using this product. If you use this product, you may not accuse Ginny of anything, nor may you copy any part of this and give it to someone else unless you: a) cite me as the author and show them this disclaimer-turned-copyright paragraph, and b) do not distribute it for profit. All other rights are mine unless I say so.)

STEP 1: Listen to the fortune teller, Sephy, introduce herself and the rules.

Hi, my name is Sephy, and I'm a magical fortune-teller who will predict your fortune. Now, since fortune-telling is a tricky business, you must do exactly as I say, and nothing else. Okay, let's get started then!

STEP 2: What's your birthday?

Add the year, month, and day together, then divide by 7, and round scientifically (rules are as follows: if it's 0.4999... or less, then it's 0; if it's 0.50000001 or more, it's 1; and if it's 0.5 then it depends on whatever number precedes the decimal, but in this case you won't have exactly 0.5 if you're doing it right). If your resulting number is larger than 9, divide by 7 again, until you get a number that's less than 9. This is your BDN (write it down somewhere so you won't forget).

ex.: My birthday is on September 1st, 1985, so I would solve this equation: (9+1+1+9+8+5)/7=33. This is larger than 9, so I would divide by 7 again, to get: 5. So 5 is my BDN.

STEP 3: What's your zodiac sign?

I know, zodiacs are related to birthday, but because the earlier question also takes into account years, you still have to do this step. Find your sign in the list below and note the number of points attributed to that sign, then add it to your BDN. This is your AZN.

List—
Aries: 2
Taurus: 10
Gemini: 2
Cancer: 4
Leo: 3
Virgo: 4
Libra: 10
Scorpio: 8
Sagittarius: 2
Capricorn: 1
Aquarius: 8
Pisces: 2

ex.: I'm a Virgo, so my number is 4, and adding 4 to my BDN (5), I get 9, which is my AZN.

STEP 4: What is today's date?

Since fortunes are very time-sensitive, you must add the day that you are conducting this fortune-telling into the mix. Take the year, month, and day, and treat it just as you had your BDN, until you get a number that is less than 19. Add the date to it again. Add this number to your AZN, and this is your TDN.

ex.: Today is May 15, 2010, so my equation is: (5+1+5+2+0+1+0)/7=2, and then adding 15 to it, I get 17. Adding this to my AZN (9), I get 26, which is my TDN.

STEP 5: What kind of fortune are you looking for?

For general, event fortunes, go to STEP 6. For love fortunes, go to STEP 7. For career fortunes, go to STEP 8. For random fortunes, go to STEP 9.

ex.: I want all of my fortunes told, so I will go to every step.

STEP 6: What's your general fortune?

Take your TDN and add 5 to it. This is your initial GFN. If your initial GFN is larger than 10, then subtract the largest multiple of 10 you can from it so you can get a number that's 10 or less. If your number becomes 0, then add 10 to it. This is your FINAL GFN. Look into the list below to see what your fortune is. Then go to STEP 10, if you aren't going to another step first.

1. Going outside, you will realize you have forgotten your umbrella. Don't fret! It's not going to rain today.
2. That lawn you've always forgotten/neglected to mow? Yeah, there's a $100 bill in there, but you won't be able to find it in the 3-foot-tall grass.
3. Smile and be happy. Today's a great day for you! (I don't know why, but who cares.)
4. I would go out and buy a cup of bubble tea today if I were you.
5. Are you forgetting something important today? I think you are. No? Well, I still think you are.
6. Feed the dogs before you feed your goldfish. Your dogs will eat so much you won't give your goldfish as much food, which is good, because if you did, your goldfish will overeat and die.
7. Why aren't you running around screaming and jumping and dancing right now?
8. The creepy kid who sits next to you in that one class you have assigned seating will ask you if you have seen his pet melanoid. Ask him what a melanoid is before you tell him you saw it swimming in the lake.
9. Read an entire book of Foxtrot comics today. You'll see why when you finish.
10. Go outside and yell, "SWORDFIGHT!" Whoever answers your call will be your best friend for the next five years (and if no one answers, your old best friend is still your best friend).

ex.: My TDN is 26, and adding 5 to it, I get 31, which is larger than 10, so I subtract 30 from it (3x10), and I get 1. That is my GFN for today, and so my general fortune is: "Going outside, you will realize you have forgotten your umbrella. Don't fret! It's not going to rain today."

STEP 7: What's your love fortune?

Take your TDN and add 8 to it. This is your initial LFN. If your initial LFN is larger than 10, then subtract the largest multiple of 10 you can from it so you can get a number that's 10 or less. If your number becomes 0, then add 10 to it. This is your FINAL LFN. Look into the list below to see what your fortune is. Then go to STEP 10, if you aren't going to another step first.

1. Your crush likes you, everyone else hates you, yadda yadda yadda.
2. You will meet a mysterious person today who you will never see again but you will think about every time it snows.
3. Don't kiss the guy/girl you want to kiss. He/she just ate something weird.
4. If you show this fortune (along with this post) to 10 other people, your crush will like you back! Yay.
5. Roses are red, violets are blue, but whoever's sending you those love poems is too good to be true.
6. Hiding in that dark corner waiting for the guy/girl you like to come out is not a wise idea. His/her neighbor will call the cops.
7. Aww. I'm sorry.
8. You're feeling like being single today, so you'll go out and treat yourself to a meal at a fancy restaurant, whereupon someone will spill lemonade on you and the two of you will fall in love.
9. I wouldn't eat those mysterious chocolates if I were you. They may make you... uh... infatuated.
10. You'll get a bouquet of roses from someone you like, but you'll get a shiny diamond from someone you don't. Oh, decisions, decisions.

ex.: My TDN is 26, and adding 8 to it, I get 34, which is larger than 10, so I subtract 30 from it (3x10), and I get 4. That is my LFN for today, and so my love fortune is: "If you show this fortune (along with this post) to 10 other people, your crush will like you back! Yay..."

STEP 8: What's your career fortune?

Take your TDN and add 6 to it. This is your initial CFN. If your initial CFN is larger than 10, then subtract the largest multiple of 10 you can from it so you can get a number that's 10 or less. If your number becomes 0, then add 10 to it. This is your FINAL CFN. Look into the list below to see what your fortune is. Then go to STEP 10, if you aren't going to another step first.

1. You'll find some money on the bus. Hey, bus fare paid for you already—it's not every day you can ride the bus for free (for the most part).
2. What can be done today but not due today can be pushed off for another day.
3. Remember that huge project your teacher said was due soon? Well, she changed her mind. It's due tomorrow.
4. You will become so confused in the next few days that you will not remember your work until five minutes before they're due. Pull a Calvin.
5. It's going to be a splendid day today, and you won't get anything practical done.
6. Do your work today. You won't be able to tomorrow, and then something will happen the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that...
7. You'll win an award or get a promotion later today, so don't fall asleep in the afternoon or you might miss your opportunity.
8. Your teacher/boss/whoever will forget to give you that huge, scary project he/she has been talking about for the past month/year/eternity.
9. If you can't figure out why your work/school life sucks so much, don't worry, I can't either. At least you're not stupid.
10. Lotteries are not the way to fame and money. Winning the lottery is.

ex.: My TDN is 26, and adding 6 to it, I get 32, which is larger than 10, so I subtract 30 from it (3x10), and I get 2. That is my CFN for today, and so my career fortune is: "What can be done today but not due today can be pushed off for another day."

STEP 9: What's your random fortune?

Take your TDN and add 2 to it. This is your initial RFN. If your initial RFN is larger than 10, then subtract the largest multiple of 10 you can from it so you can get a number that's 10 or less. If your number becomes 0, then add 10 to it. This is your FINAL RFN. Look into the list below to see what your fortune is. Then go to STEP 10, if you aren't going to another step first.

1. There's a cookie monster under your bed. That's why your mom is always accusing you of eating the cookies, even though you know you haven't.
2. Today, you will feel like painting your room neon pink and orange. Just so you know, those colors together can be harsh on your eyes for long periods of time, so don't lock yourself in your room for too long.
3. A pie will fall out of the sky and hit your neighbor on the head, but miss. It's an apple pie. Mmm.
4. Some days you will fall out the bed on the wrong side. Then you will realize, wait, there is no right side of the bed to fall out of.
5. Your bizarre dream about sailing the seven seas on a Huck Finn style raft is about to come true.
6. Don't read the 79th book you pick up today.
7. Did you know tomatoes are very inflexible? Well, you will know by tonight.
8. The sun will appear purple to you today. So will those bunnies down the road.
9. Your piggy bank will jump up and attack you today. Be prepared. Bring a wolf bank along.
10. The third balloon in your contraption to fly will pop, so replace it with another balloon.

ex.: My TDN is 26, and adding 2 to it, I get 28, which is larger than 10, so I subtract 20 from it (2x10), and I get 8. That is my CFN for today, and so my random fortune is: "The sun will appear purple to you today. So will those bunnies down the road."

STEP 10: The end.

There you go, that's your fortune(s) for today! Once again, I'm Sephy, your reliable (sometimes) fortune-teller, and I hope I'll see you again soon.